By Terry Manning
I stumbled across a thread on X (the platform formerly known as Twitter) on another hot topic in the seemingly never ending debate on social media between the sexes.
The question: Would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear?
The scenario stirred quite a bit of discussion on X, TikTok, and other platforms. Many of the women who answered said they would choose the bear; that did not sit well with those platforms’ male users.
A popular TikTok video about the question received responses like these:
“I’ve met bears in the forest and they minded their business.”
“You know what to expect from a bear.”
“Bear, because If I got attacked by a bear people would believe me.”
“A bear wouldn’t attack me and then tell his friends that I liked it.”
“A bear wouldn’t ask me ‘man or bear’ and then bearsplain to me why I chose wrong.”
“The worst the bear can do is kill me soooo bear.”
Gee whiz.
And how did some men react?
By posting angry comments about women being dumb; how feminism is ruining the country; how bad bear maulings are — with images — and, of course, how a conservative, “real” man would protect the woman from a bear or any other kind of threat, even the kind posed by (gasp) liberal males.
I thought MSNBC contributor Clarissa-Jan Lim had a good perspective on the exchanges when she wrote, “This ‘man vs. bear’ discourse is not so much about the true threat of bears as it is about the dangers that women experience in the world, where they live among human men.”
That’s the point, guys. Women regularly face enough of a threat from men that many of them would rather choose being alone with a wild animal than being alone with a strange man. Even worse, the men most likely to cause these women harm are men they already know. They go to class with them, work beside them, and lie down beside them at night.
Even at a glorious occasion like a college commencement, some jerky guy is liable to insult them by telling them they wasted their money getting an education and would have been happier if they’d chased down a husband and became a homemaker.
And some of us have the nerve to be offended by their preference?
Guys, the answer isn’t to try and prove these women wrong about men being threatening by acting in a more threatening manner. The answer? Be the type she’d choose. Be the bear.
If a woman “plays dead” by showing she’s not interested in you romantically, be a bear. Walk away.
Or be a teddy bear, a fuzzy friend she can get close to and feel will listen to her without judging — or giving unsolicited advice.
Be Winnie the Pooh, the center of a circle of friends who cheer each other on and show unwavering support on even their dreariest days.
Be Yogi the Bear, and find yourself a Boo-Boo or two. Take a younger person under your wing and give them the benefit of your experiences. Show them the ropes — just not the part about stealing other people’s food.
Be Paw Rugg, the mumbling, grumbling hillbilly scion who takes care of his family, primarily by letting his much smarter wife and children correct him when needed.
Be Fozzie Bear, quick with a joke to lighten the moment. The world needs more “Wocka Wockas.”
Be Paddington, a well-dressed and polite fellow who carried himself the same whether he was cavorting with his chums or the Queen of England. Take it easy on the marmalade, though.
Be Smokey Bear, a guardian of this beautiful planet we have been given.
Many summers ago, I developed a crush on a girl I met at camp. She was tall, slim, rather bookish, and I was very smitten. She turned down my nervous advances, but she let me down gently.
She said, “I don’t think of you as a boyfriend, I think of you as a friend. You’re like a fuzzy teddy bear.” Over the years, I’ve tried to live up to that image, to be someone a woman could feel comfortable around instead of conflicted. Hopeful, not hesitant.
Guys, let’s be the kind of men that make the choice between us or bear a difficult one. Too many are making it too obvious.
Terry E. Manning is a Clemson graduate and worked for 20 years as a journalist. He can be reached at teemanning@gmail.com.
