By Brittney Hiller
Sleep walking through life, like a Zombie straight out of “The Walking Dead”, you know them you’ve seen them, the people who go about their business everyday doing the same thing and not thinking twice about it. That was me at twenty-five, until I was smacked in the face by reality.
You see, my ‘sleep walking’ was unhealthy, it looked more like a college freshman who was raised by a pastor and had never seen the light of day, but yet was free for the first time. It was early morning work hours to late night wine and cheese parties that often ended with a jug of wine emptied. This was my ‘real life’.
My turning point was when an incident occurred to me that literally caused me to have to WAKE UP, wake up from the sleep walking, wake up from the ‘routine’ that I created, wake up to the truth that my life was unhealthy.
After this incident I completely detached from my body mentally because I wanted to pretend that I didn’t actually have a pregnancy caused by a date gone wrong. Seven months in I was hit with my ah-ha moment, something is going to happen whether I liked it or not. I quickly turned to my sister for help and I knew adoption was my answer. I am forever grateful to my sister as she helped to catapult me into a cycle of coming clean.
Not a single person knew of my plight for seven months, not even my fresh, new, brightly lit smiling, boyfriend. He would ask often and I neglected to tell him the truth each time, coyly referring to my growing belly as a beer gut.
I wanted to continue to see him, but I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me and feel he ‘had’ to stay with me because I was ‘the pregnant girl’, regardless of my reason for not being honest, in my mind and body I felt, “I am not pregnant, this will pass.” However, he knew, he knew from the beginning and yet, I continued to lie, until I simply could not lie anymore.
Fast forward to the moment I came clean and let my belly fly free, no longer holding it in or pretending. My mother became concerned and I finally let the tears flow and the truth to soar. A whirlwind of positive experiences occurred after I told my story. Friends, family, and strangers even began to assist in the ease of this transition. What about my bright, smiling boyfriend? He was next to my side, holding my hand during my chosen caesarean delivery, as to ease the adoption process. To this day he holds my hand, shows me what actual strength and true courage is, and helps guide my big dreams. I am truly honored to be his wife.
Through this life event I could have been bogged down with turmoil and emotion, beating myself up and believing I was undeserving of love, yet instead I saw the power in gifting a child, unassuming to my situation, to a loving family.
I began to lead life with an open heart. It was as if I awoke from a dream, I awoke from my robotic way of life. I was finally able to see me, with a little help from my friends.
I began to share my secret power, my story. With those that I shared with they began to share their story, too. Stories all around were being shared because I opened up the floor; lives were being shifted because they saw another option to what ever they may have been troubled by. You see, whatever your story, whatever your pain, you can be the light for others through your sharing. When we hold our stories in, it creates heaviness, when we let it out we become lighter in all ways and we shine.
