Wining down

By Terry Sweeney
Well, Water Fest is over and out and so this week Beaufort slept peacefully by night and quietly tip-toed about its business by day. The tsunami of beer and wine and vodka and bourbon that washed over our little island left surprisingly little damage in its wake.  At least no one I know was detained by local authorities and asked to model an unflattering orange jumpsuit that — let’s face it — clashes horribly with eyes that are bloodshot red.
The visiting boats that filled our river have magically melted away into the mist and floated off to other liquid celebrations in other coastal towns; leaving folks with a handful of trinkets and souvenir T-shirts but more importantly with a boatload of memories. Unless, of course, they can’t remember a thing!
Like the introspective week that follows New Years Eve, we locals usually take stock of ourselves and often brim over with resolutions about next year’s Water Festival. Here are a few that I overheard while walking around town in the sober light of day following last week’s festival.
1. “Next year I’m keeping my top on!” (This woman had white hair and granny glasses — I’m not kidding!)
2. “I’m not giving him a ride home from Water Fest ever again! I don’t mind hosing throw-up off a boat, but in my glove compartment? Really?! I mean now if I get pulled over, how am I supposed to hand a cop a registration and insurance card that both reek of beer?!”
3. “Next year, I’m leaving town before Water Festival even starts. At least that’s what Judge Tupper told me I’m doing.”
4. ”How did my wife end up with a sunburn there of all places?!  No sandbar with the girls for her next year! “
5. ”Next year, I’m not gonna mix my booze. Just alcohol, no food. It’s eaten’ that makes you sick!”
6. “I’m not ‘Magic Mike’ dancing on the sandbar next year! I came to with only two lousy dollars stuffed down my shorts. I must suck!”
7. “I lost my house keys, my phone, my sandals and a cooler full of beer. Next year I’m just gonna have to keep an eye on my cooler. That’s all there is to it!”

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