Weekend Crime Reports

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GIVE ME YO GAS MONEY: A woman’s world is dog-eat-dog world. Let’s face it ladies, the mean girls are everywhere. Last Saturday, an adult female got into an altercation with two other females regarding gas money. With inclining gas prices, saving a dime on gas money can be just enough to tip a simmering pot (especially for a woman on her cycle). One of the females assaulted the woman, taking her cigarettes and $20. I mean, dang!

THE DOLLAR GENERAL BANDIT: Is it one thief or a team? No one can be sure, but this bandit is slicker than ice … and desperate. Quickly earning a name as the Dollar General Bandit, the culprit struck twice in one day last Saturday, October 1. All we know is that an unknown subject stole $20 worth of beer — or 20 cans of beer — and snuck right out the door! That same day the sly thief slipped into a woman’s purse and stole $1. Huh, but where else could he better spend that dollar than the Dollar General?

“CHUGGIN’ SUZY”: Here she comes folks. We all know her — “Chuggin’ Suzy.” She loves to walk around drunk and, hey, let it be known! She came strutting her stuff last Sunday night somewhere around Charles Street and Port Republic with a mixed drink in her hand. When an officer stopped “Suzy,” who was obviously intoxicated, she guzzled that drink down just like the boys at home taught her. A classy “Suzan”: never leaves evidence, still has a problem.

EXCUSE ME, OCIFFER: Some people measure their level of intoxication by asking themselves the following question: “Am I sober enough to talk to a cop right now?” If you’re smiling, acknowledging that you’ve done the same, please don’t, for this is a trick question! Even if you answered yes, it’s entirely possible that you are still too drunk to talk to a police officer. Take the example of the two drunk chums who received public drunkenness charges on Sunday, October 2: They walked right up to an officer working at a traffic collision and decided to interfere with the investigation.

Compiled by Tess Malijenovsky. Crime Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Beaufort Police Department. Please contact the police with any insider information on these cases.