By Carol Lucas
At a time when tempers are hot, and patience is no longer considered a virtue, we have become immune to the rudeness that is so overtly displayed, often by those from whom we would least expect it.
I am the first to admit that my tolerance for some of the things I see, both in print, and in person isn’t what it used to be. While I usually don’t respond openly, I know my displeasure is sometimes evident. As my late husband used to tell me, “Don’t go to Vegas to gamble because what you are thinking is written all over your face.”
So I guess it is a good thing that I wasn’t physically present to observe the incident I am about to relate. At the very least my face would have spoken a thousand words, none of them complimentary. At the worst, the coverage of the greatest “cat fight” in town would surely have been reported in this news source for which I write.
I learned of this incident by way of social media- yes, I know, the source for all good and evil. But the report of downright nastiness and lack of kindness that permeates this story is worth shining a light.
A little background is called for, and the following came from my friend who is as truthful and forthright as the day is long. She wrote: A young mother in my church (with 3 young children and a deployed Marine husband) is doing her absolute best to make their lives normal. She is an amazing role model to those of us who have left this young mothering phase of our lives behind. Our question is always, “How does she do it?”
Beaufort is a town where the number of these young mothers is legion. We know they are here, but few of us have the opportunity to interact with them. If you are or were a military spouse, I want to offer my thanks for the crucial role you play(ed) by your support for that spouse. It has to be an integral part of maintaining ‘peace and comfort’ on the home front.
When you read what follows, you will understand why I was so disgusted and why I think it needs to be brought to our attention.
My friend continued. “This happened to her today in a local restaurant. I pray that the women who crushed her spirit see this.”
The young mother spoke of the situation in this way. To the four older ladies next to my friends and I at brunch:
“I’m sorry that my 1 year old’s cheerful squeals were so disruptive that you insisted on moving tables after giving us many disgusted glances. And I am sorry that when I apologized for being noisy, that you couldn’t muster an “it’s OK”, or “he was just being a baby,” but instead an eye roll and a “Yes, you were.”
Instead of losing it and disrespecting my elders, or explaining to you that my husband is deployed and I’m barely keeping it together with three children, I went out to my car and cried. Then I came back in and paid for your breakfast. And I hope you never make another young mom feel like how I felt.”
And now I will address these women, none of whom I know.
Do any of you have children? Or do you have such short memories that you were unable to relate? Or were your children left at home when you went to lunch with friends? Keep in mind that every woman doesn’t have that luxury.
Was the chortling of a 1 year old so intrusive that you couldn’t carry on a conversation? And if that were so, do you not possess the grace, indeed the kindness, to simply move unobtrusively and without condescension?
Apparently the grace and the kindness lay with the young woman who excused herself to the car to have a good cry. We have no idea of the stress she is undergoing, raising three children alone. That you managed to ruin her time out for a break with friends does not speak well for you.
And finally, I will go so far as to say this: that this young girl came back and paid for your lunch is well beyond turning the other cheek. So if you are in church this Sunday, think about what that means and the lesson you should have learned from her. Try being a better person the next time.
Carol Lucas is a retired high school teacher and a Lady’s Island resident. She is the author of the recently published “A Breath Away: One Woman’s Journey Through Widowhood.”
