Hats off to mermaids

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By Lee Scott

Somewhere in the deep sea is a mermaid with a beautiful hat collection. I know because her hats are the ones that I have lost through the years while riding on boats.

Most of them are baseball caps, but there are others too. There have been straw hats, woolen hats, floppy beach hats and also some visors.

These hats were not given to the mermaid on purpose. They just seem to take off when I am out on the water. I have used straps and catches and all kinds of clasps to try to keep the hats connected to me. I even tried using those little mitten clips that mothers use to connect their child’s winter mittens to the coat. But any mother who has greeted a gloveless child at the door will tell you that even those are not fool-proof.

My spouse has turned our little center console boat around numerous times as I scream, “Hat overboard!” It’s then that I have to leap for my boat hook in an attempt to sweep up my sinking hat. But I swear, there are dolphins swimming around just waiting to scoop up my latest contribution and deliver it to the new owner. Nine times out of 10, the hat is just gone.

There was one yellow Pier One hat that I had for years. I tried not to wear it on the boat so I would not lose it. But even that one took off one day just as I was reaching into the cooler to grab a bottle of water. A puff of wind snatched it off my head and it was gone.

There was also a beautiful straw sunhat I wore one day when my spouse said we were just going on a leisurely ride and would not be going fast. It wasn’t his fault that a couple of jet-skiers went flying by, pushing up some waves and me. You guessed it. Bye-bye cute sunhat!

But I think I have discovered a solution for my hat problem. It came to me when I retrieved my two dogs from the groomer. They had cute little scarves tied around their necks that looked like babushkas (short headscarves). So if my spouse will stop laughing at me, I think I might be wearing one the next time we go out boating. Sorry Little Mermaid.