By Terry Manning
When I was a younger man and going through one of the typical moments of angst that accompany teen romance, I told myself, “I might not be able to get a girlfriend now, but when I’m older being a good guy will pay off. The numbers will be in my favor, and they’ll come after me instead of the other way around.”
And let me tell you, I was right. Annnd I was wrong.
Years after my declaration, I got married, and then I got divorced. I got married again and got divorced again. I have been “back on the market” for a little more than 10 years now. I use quotation marks because the “market” for twice-divorced, middle-aged men is about as robust as the “market” for ’77 Pontiac Trans Ams. They were hellacious back in the day, but now you know there are smarter choices to be made.
So that’s the “market” I’m in. The female-to-male ratio is pretty much what I expected, for better and worse. There are more available women, yes, but that means more women I get to take a pass on and more who get to give me the ol’ thanks-but-no-thanks.
Children are a wildcard I didn’t account for. In my age bracket, most of the women I meet have adult children, but a few have younger ones, which is usually a no-no for me. Most of their children are well-behaved, productive citizens; some are not, which is definitely a no-no.
The biggest wildcard, though, has been dealing with lingering emotional trauma and related drug use.
We make a big deal about “kids these days” and their seemingly rampant drug use, but there’s a distinct segment of the middle-aged and older population that is using and abusing at a rate the kids can only dream of.
As far back as 2015, the Wall Street Journal was reporting on the phenomenon of Baby Boomers bringing their youthful drug habits into middle age.
“Older adults are abusing drugs, getting arrested for drug offenses and dying from drug overdoses at increasingly higher rates,” the Journal reported. “Facing the pains and losses connected to aging, boomers, who as youths used drugs at the highest rates of any generation, are once again — or still — turning to drugs.”
The rate of accidental overdose deaths in that group exceeded that of 25 to 44 year olds for the first time, according to the story. The culprits? Lifelong relaxed attitudes about drugs and the widespread availability of opioids.
While Boomers were getting high, we Gen-Xers watched TV in the next room or played in side yards as the smells of marijuana wafted through. We thought pot was cool, and we wanted to be cool, too, when we grew up. We created habits that are killing us.
Fortune had an article, “The D.A.R.E. generation is not okay,” that detailed the high use of marijuana, hallucinogens and alcohol among Gen-Xers and millennials. Drug Abuse Resistance Education was started in 1983 to head off school-age young people who might be considering drug use and other bad behaviors.
The Fortune article included a reference to one study that showed students who were exposed to D.A.R.E.’s anti-drug messaging were more likely, not less, to experiment with drugs “perhaps due to a desire to challenge what authority figures had told them.”
Gen-X took the dare, alright. To its detriment.
To be clear, I’m not criticizing anyone who is in treatment. Prescribed medications can be a helpful tool for dealing with emotional and physical challenges. I didn’t realize how many people were taking medication for anxiety, depression and other issues, but I applaud that. It’s not always easy to ask for help.
I’m talking about off-the-books experimentation with CBD, THC and other mood-altering substances, including alcohol.
An afternoon jaunt with one acquaintance ended up in an accidental overdose for yours truly. It didn’t require medical attention, but I was horrified at losing control of my faculties. My “bad trip” could easily have landed me on the front page or in the obituaries.
Do I have issues? Of course. I enjoy a sip of bourbon on occasion and, less frequently, a beer or two. I am overweight and working on that. I’m no stranger to counseling. But I am still who I am. I’m not fundamentally changed by chemicals that would render me a zombie to the people I love and who love me.
I can’t account for all the issues that result in my cohorts’ use and abuse of substances that alter our perceptions and erase our feelings, but I want a life worth living, not escaping.
Terry E. Manning is a Clemson graduate and worked for 20 years as a journalist. He can be reached at teemanning@gmail.com.
