By Jim Dickson
Did I write what you read, or did you read what you thought that I said?
Over the years I have written letters to the editor or short op-ed pieces for various publications, and sometimes they actually get published. From time to time, I will get feedback on what I have written, and it always kind of takes me by surprise that people will take exception to things that I have never written.
When I go back and re-read the piece to see what they are talking about, I have to come to the conclusion that they must have read what they thought I said, not what was really written. This can also be true of compliments. I occasionally get feedback that says that they are in absolute agreement with what I said about something, and on a re-read I can’t see where I ever said anything like that, so who knows? Rule No. 1: never turn down a compliment, they don’t come that often.
I looked at some research online – if it’s on the internet, we all know that it must be true – and I found that most people only hear about 25% of what is being said because they are thinking about what they will say in response, and as a result they don’t hear what the speaker is actually saying for most of the conversation. I am not sure whether that also applies to what people are reading, but it probably does, and I am no exception.
I find that if I am reading something, usually of a political nature, that I don’t agree with at the start, my mind is filling up with all kind of rebuttals. I am automatically thinking that the writer is wrong, even before I get to the end of the article.
I also find that if I read the same piece with an open mind, and read it through to the end, what I thought it said was not at all the same as when I quickly jumped to the conclusion that the writer is an idiot. Steven Covey once wrote “Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand, they listen with intent to reply.” I strongly suspect that many of us fall into that category when it comes to listening or reading. Steven Covey’s book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” was a national best seller back when it was written in 1989, and to the best of my knowledge is still selling well today.
I first came across the book when I was on a business trip waiting in an airport between planes. I saw it in the newsstand and looking for something to read to pass the time, bought it. It was one of the best investments that I ever made.
The book talks about the ability to first understand and then be understood and how to try to actively listen to what people are saying before we draw conclusions about them, and much more. It’s a good read and I would recommend it to one and all. Full disclosure, I have don’t any financial interest in Steven Covey’s books.
I have no doubt that in expressing your thoughts and opinions, whether it be in writing or in conversation, you always run the risk of having people misunderstand some of points that you are trying to make. I also think that although most of us try not to be offensive, it’s inevitable that at some point you will offend someone. But many times it’s because that person didn’t really listen or read carefully what you had to say.
OK, I admit there are times when it really is on purpose, and that little devil that sits on your shoulder sometimes gets his way and tells you that they have it coming and says “go for it.” If we are fortunate we have a good editor and that part never sees the light of day.
Born, raised and educated in the Southwest, Jim Dickson served in the U.S. Navy Reserve in Vietnam before a 35-year business career. Retired to St. Helena Island, Dickson and his wife are fiscally conservative, socially moderate and active in Republican politics, though they may not always agree with Republicans. Having lived around the country and traveled around the world, Dickson believes that the United States truly is the land of opportunity.
