CAT FIGHT: What’s new? Not another verbal dispute at Plums at 1 a.m. on a Friday night between males hopped up on testosterone and booze. However, what was unusually girl-like about the matter was the fact that the argument started with four males together in the restroom and the reason they were fighting is unknown.

ROAD KILL: On Sunday, Nov. 13 a drunk man stood on the side of Sea Island Parkway and started threatening anyone who walked or drove by. Whatever chip on his shoulder that drove the man to drink also gave him the liquid courage to accost 4,000 pound moving vehicles. Luckily for the man, there was no counter road rage.

TO SEW OR NOT TO SUE: Last Friday, Nov. 10, an unknown subject known as Repairman, broke a window at a boat canvas business and stole a sewing machine and thread.

THE CELLAR DOOR: Once upon a time, four baby boys were born with clean consciences. Growing up, the boys were poisoned and became criminals, finding a purpose in stealing from innocent people. Between Friday and Saturday, the four boys broke into a house on Pilot Street, stealing jewelry, car keys and a pistol. They decided to steal the car. The same four broke into a house on Church Street, stealing electronics and more jewelry. They broke into a third house, and then a fourth on Greene Street before being caught by police after a neighbor reported the suspicious activity. One boy was caught red-handed with the car keys in his pocket and the stolen car was found at his mother’s house. Before the police caught the boys, I met them. They’d stopped to “help” my friend and I push our car out of a ditch on Brickyard Point. At first, seeing the four as kind Samaritans, we later learned their true colors when my purse was stolen. By the next morning, more than $630 had been spent at Walmart, $2 at Redbox, $15 on gas and $20 at McDonalds — clearly they were more in need of the money than a girl on the side of the road with a car in a ditch. I’d like to think that even in real-life good begets evil, and I hope somewhere deep inside themselves the boys will find the good that can transcend the upbringing that fostered their evil. Ending pending …

CHIVALRY DEAD OR ALIVE?: Last Saturday a male subject started physically assaulting his girlfriend at Crybabies. Fortunately, there was another male bystander who intervened and subdued the attacker until police arrived. One-for-one, that still leaves the question whether chivalry is dead or alive in the South? (We know it’s dead in the North.)

<em>Compiled by Tess Malijenovsky. Crime Report items are chosen from the files of the Beaufort Police Department. Please contact the police with any insider information on these cases.</em>