Marriage is like a frontier between two countries.  Where two countries meet is the frontier.  It is where they meet and mingle.  It is the boundary that distinguishes one from the other.  If they are happy neighbors there is free interchange.  Visas and passes allow for free passage to the other.  If they are warring a wall is put up, guards with various weapons protect the boundary.  The work of countries and marriages is to keep that frontier a place of mutual respect, with free access and sharing while at the same time honoring the uniqueness of each.

<em>Benton Lutz is a psychotherapist in private practice in Beaufort.</em>